In the Crazy Moments

Life has been insane.  It doesn’t seem possible, but I’ve actually been too busy to write.  That hardly ever happens.  And, lack of writing time sort of unbalances me.

We are moving.  It’s a good move, one I’ve looked forward to for a long time.  I’ll get to return to familiar surroundings, and live in a place I love.  Ever since I moved to SJ’s home town nearly 24 years ago, I’ve looked forward to returning.

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My happy place…

The excitement and anticipation is mightily tempered with the realities of cleaning up, throwing away, organizing, packing, and de-cluttering 24 years of stuff.  We are painting, minimalizing, cleaning, and neutralizing (i.e., no photos, few personal items).  It’s sobering and overwhelming at times.  We have the realtor coming in a few days to give us the seal of approval to stage and put the house on the market.  Meanwhile, we have signed a lease for the new place to start in June.  So much has to happen between now and then.

I’m learning a mighty lesson about simplifying life.  I vow that after this move I will be an avid minimalist, and will not allow paper to accumulate.  This is hard, as I’m also a sentimentalist, and have saved every journal and story I’ve written, and most letters received from special folks.  The written word is like gold for me. Then there’s the matter of pictures.  Thousands and thousands of pictures– of my own kids, from my parent’s stash.  They are precious to me, but oh, do they take up space.  There are the ones in the old albums that desperately need to get out of those albums; there are the doubles we used to get to send off to family, which somehow have returned.  Everything can be digitalized, it just takes time.  It will feel so good to simplify.  It’s just a matter of not going crazy on the journey getting there!

Likewise, I know that I need to work on economizing my words.  My near-term goal is to write under 500 words.  Some people may not see that as such a challenge, but truthfully it takes more work to express ideas with such an economy of words.

SJ and I have been good, but with so much to do, our life has gotten exhausting, and our purposeful attention to our husband-wife dynamic has slipped.  There is more “connecting” intimacy than there is fun, romantic, or intense intimacy.  I want to believe this is just due to the busy phase we are in, because I’m not ready to give up the new-found “zing” we have.  It’s “Practical Time.”  SJ is a “Do it Now” kind of guy.  He sets goals, and gets them done.  I’m a terrible procrastinator, and tend to get things done better with pressure of deadline, which isn’t a very good way to operate.  He wants to de-clutter; I want to scrub and clean.  Suffice it to say that our two styles clash, A LOT (it would seem we could make it work…).  Strangely enough each of our unique styles stress the other. We’ve not quite hit frustration mode, but we have toed that delicate line more than a few times. Some terse words and a little sarcasm has peeked out.   I am happy that I had made a decision a few years ago to work on my submission, because SJ has had to call it into practice more lately.  Instead of his usual gentle reminders or polite requests, he’s sometimes resorted to direct commands–and more reassuring hugs.  I’m learning not to pout and dig my heels in when told what I need to do. When we were looking for our new home, I found myself acquiescing more to his preferences, and just trying to remain grateful that we get to have this great new adventure.  I want him to feel happy about this move, and to see himself at home.  Surrendering my (strong) will definitely challenges me, but had I not agreed to his dominant leadership role, we’d be toe-to-toe in battle a lot more, and I’d not be as content.  I am grateful for a leader-husband. I’m grateful that in the crazy moments, I can trust him.

Getting to write today is a treat, and a little bit of a cheat as I look at the piles of crap that needs to be waded through around my desk.  I’m also not doing so well on word count, so I’ll sign off for now!  Pray for us over this next couple of months!

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